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Your Houseplant's Future Could Be In The Stars
by Eleanor Tylbor
by Eleanor Tylbor


Eleanor Tylbor has been a freelance writer and columnist for more than twenty years. A resident of Laval, Quebec, Canada, she began her career as a columnist writing for weekly papers and continues to freelance a column covering local news for “The Chomedy News.”

She has also freelanced articles for Internet sites in addition to providing human-interest pieces for various dailies, and is a monthly contributor to the site, sharing her humorous observations and gardening-angst with gardening aficionados.

She is now into balcony gardening.

Blog The (Somewhat) Complete Gardener

November 5, 2006

There's no denying it. The summer that would not end has done just that, and now I have to face the wrath of the somewhat neglected houseplants. All right - I admit it: a lot neglected, as a result of extra attention bestowed upon the outdoor foliage. The indoor genus can be so unforgiving in times like these and now there's the suggestion of vegetation revolt in the air.

Our plants - can't live with them and we certainly can't live without them.

In order to atone for the sin of temporary abandonment, each and every one of the indoor group is being given "EPC" or Extra Plant Care - that is, those that are left. Some unfortunately have gone to that great equalizer, the composter, while others exist in a semi-alive-but-still-in-the-land-of-the-living state.

Anyway, my theory in as far as the survival of our houseplants are concerned could be (note the word "could" here) determined by the planets. When you think about it this isn't such a far-fetched theory, given that many people believe in their future being affected by the stars and planetary concurrence. Furthermore, a gardening acquaintance friend of mine buys her plants according to what she feels are certain personality traits, at time and month of purchase. It's her theory that the longevity of the new acquisition can be determined by using her astrological chart.

Before the actual purchase of a plant, she uses her charts to check the position of the sun, the moon and the planetary alignments to help determine which species stand the best chance of thriving in her hands. Personally, I think it's in the hands of fate but then who am I to tell her this, given my success record? Be that as it may I'm willing to consider that astrological signs may have some influence on plant raising. Let's see what we can conjure up based on horoscope personality traits.

Aries: Personality traits: original, pioneering, courageous and direct. A plant like apidistra will tolerate tough love. In other words, even if you go to Florida and forget to make watering arrangements, it'll probably forgive you. Maybe. But don't push things! Even plants have feelings!

Taurus: Personality traits: patient, reliable, enduring, stable, trustworthy, affectionate. You're the type of plant owner who will care for your plant, as long as there's traces of green indicating hope. Green slime, however, is not necessarily an indication of life.

Gemini: Personality traits: intellectual, adaptable, versatile, witty, lively, amusing. You're among the type of plant raisers who take people for a plant tour of your home, and regale them with "clever" stories about life and death in the plant kingdom. Then wonder why they refuse other invitations.

Cancer: Personality traits: kind, sensitive, nurturing, imaginative, patriotic. Cancer-ians tend to buy plants that can be shared with other plant lover. In fact they are known to bring a home grown plant as a gift, instead of store bought items. Their feelings are easily hurt when recipients don't express their appreciation for their generous nature ("don't invite the Smiths if you're not into plants"!).

Leo: Personality traits: magnanimous, generous, creative, enthusiastic, dynamic. Leo or lion-type houseplant raisers, buy their plants to fit with their latest renovation project. They always make sure that the plant's leaves don't clash with the wall color, a decorating no-no.

Virgo: Personality traits: discriminating, analytical, practical, meticulous, modest, clean. Virgo types will glean every available morsel of information before embarking upon the purchase of a plant. They always re-pot outdoors because dirty earth on the floor is a no-no. So are dead plants.

Libra: Personality traits: charming, harmonious, suave, diplomatic, social and artistic. For Libra people it's the pot that's important, rather than the plant specie, and they'll go out of their way to purchase a designer pot, which they gladly show off to their friends

Scorpio: Personality traits: loyal, truthful, persistent, determined, deep. You can always count on these people to be the ideal plant sitters, when going on vacation. They take their job very seriously and sponsor adoption clinics for discarded plants left behind by moving companies.

Sagittarius: Personality traits: jovial, optimistic, frank, scrupulous, sense of humor. Blessed with a sense of humor among other interesting traits, some Sagittarians are known to communicate one-on-one with their plants, via mental telepathy. They also hear plants talking to each other.

Capricorn: Personality traits: cautious, ambitious, prudent, and disciplined. They tend to be on the unemotional side, and would never allow themselves to get close to a plant. Leaf wiping is the extent of their attachment. Capricorn raised plants tend to be emotionally starved...don't ask me how I know...

Aquarius: Personality traits: humanitarian, friendly, progressive, and experimental. These people are the plant sharers of the world, and will take their plants with them on business trips by car. They have also been known to give away plants in lieu of tips.

Pisces: Personality traits: compassionate, humble, sympathetic, intuitive. With their very sensitive natures, Pisces people will go into mourning upon the demise of a favorite plant. Some of them have been known to sport a green armband and a dried stem affixed to a lapel, in remembrance of the dearly departed.

And there you have our Astral House Plant Growing Guide to help you understand the true nature of those among us, who take plant raising very seriously. Next time - divining houseplants future through Tarot cards.


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